issue n. 01 • How to Change Your Life in 3 Weeks

Welcome to the inaugural ent3r newsletter, an experimental space where I'll be discussing everything from the creative process to film industry news & filmmaking, and sharing personal anecdotes from navigating life and an acting career in New York City.

To start us off, a quick riddle:

What is worse than having a vicious cough in a post-covid world?

…

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

I write to you from 15,000 feet in the air en route to Argentina and let - me - tell - you. For someone who tends to keep calm while traveling, this has been one of the most stressful trips of my adult life. It has also been one of the most expensive. If you happen to be flying thorough LaGuardia or Miami airports this weekend and all the cough drops are sold out, I am entirely to blame.

For context, I’ve had this cough for the last ten days, following a *nOn-CoViD fLu* – “there’s something going around NYC I swear” – that at the time felt pretty harmless. Ten days later and I’ve found myself heaving on the subway and high on Robitussin at midnight. (Note: not simultaneously.) It’s been a humbling experience, to say the least. And educational! For example:

This afternoon. Subway, 4pm, heading to LaGuardia. I board the uptown E train. I’m feeling fine. Great, in fact. Cough has been chill all morning. I’m on the up and up, I think to myself.

So I board the train. Lo and behold, after two stops, I feel it: a tickle. Small at first, then undeniable. And of course, the more I try to mind-over-matter it the worse the impulse grows, until my abs are starting to cramp and I look like a cat about to throw up a hairball. So I lean in: Fuck it. I mean, what can I do? I cough into my arm … That doesn’t do it. I cough again. Nope. Again. Oh no. It’s like my brain knows I’m in the worst possible place to have a coughing attack and says NOW! GO!

…

Well. The only way out is through, so I toss aside my pride and surrender to the cough goblin that has possessed my body. Take me. Just have your way with me and be done with it, goddamnit.

I’m now having a full-blown coughing fit. Committed, face in arms, hunched over, pretending like no one on this crowded train is absolutely internally shit-talking this abhorrent woman on the subway who dare venture out in that miserable state and put everyone’s lives at risk.

But - it’s - not - Covid!

Anyway.

This coughing fit gets so intense that the woman sitting next to me not only gets up – she switches trains entirely. She braves those heavy sliding doors Wild-West-style as the train runs at full speed! (Those doors are terrifying). I say to myself Kudos, lady. Good for you. And two thoughts occur to me: 1) I should try this technique more often in crowded subways, and 2) She definitely just put her life at greater risk by doing that than by sitting next to me.

But hey, to each their own.

I should thank her for getting up, though – here’s where the educational part comes in – because once she did, my prayer was answered. (Read: Praying When In Desperate Situations *sOmEtImEs* Works)

Suddenly, I felt a tap on my hunched, sorry shoulder. Oh God, I thought. This is it. They’re gonna tell me I shouldn’t be on this train. GET OFF THE TRAIN, GROSS LADY! But no … ! It was the sweet Asian lady who had inherited the golden seat next to me and she was holding out two cough drops.

Beat/*moment of silence*/what?

Amidst my confusion, I accept. Uh-uhmm, thanks. Pause. Thank you thank you thank you thank you.

I felt like she had just washed my feet at mass on Holy Thursday. But we were in the *rEaL wOrLd*. It was so...nice.

In conclusion, I learned a lot from this experience. I also made valuable Art that I hope to sell one day to make my investment in Halls worthwhile.

Thankfully, for the 8-hour overnight leg of this trip which ends in 25 minutes, I strategically chose a back row seat next to the bathroom, where I was able to have a relatively stress-free (still near-death) coughing fit in the sound-proofed bathroom, away from the judging eyes and ears of other humans. Having one of the flight attendants be a family friend and getting ice cream has also helped.

Jokes aside, this cough has been a real test as the days have worn on. But there are worse things in the world than a debilitating cough and many people are suffering much about much more serious things, so it's not a big deal. Scaring someone away on the subway like that was a first, though. As was being on the receiving end of a *random act of kindness*. A lesson, surely, on vulnerability, humility... and getting more sleep.

***

Now that we know each other I think I can talk about what I came here to talk about: ent3r.

As a self-proclaimed “late-blooming creative,” I’m hopelessly passionate about the aRtIsT’S LiFE and creative process. I’m that person who loves reading about writers and artists and probably spends more time reading about the creative process than actually exercising my own creativity. Me = 100% guilty.

This is largely due to a perfectionistic gene I either A) inherited from one or both of my beautiful parents, B) developed from some traumatic childhood experience buried deep in my subconscious, or C) any combination of the two or a number of other things I don’t know I don’t know about myself. I'm a person historically obsessed with technique, doing things the right way and being better than others (being the best, who am I kidding). Not exactly the most conducive traits to creating art openly and freely.

I’ve learned that to overcome the procrastination that comes with being a perfectionist, creating external structures that give me a time, place and responsibility to others really helps, and thus I decided to start a writer's group.

Born originally out of the desire to create a morning writing habit, I rather impulsively put feelers out and began devising what would be a writer’s group that would force me to wake up early and write first thing in the morning, every morning, for the foreseeable future. I made it three weeks in order not to freak out others who had less ambitious plans to transform their creative lives; but secretly, this was a fundamental new habit I planned on maintaining for life.

I had a hunch that making this one change would be transformative. I thought, what’s the one thing I can do that will have the most impact on the next phase of my career?

{Aside: This idea of "black hole focus" comes from biotechnologist and entrepreneur Dr. Isaiah Hankel's book, part of my early twenties personal development library and still a big driver of most of my professional decisions to this day. It is the operative pillar I return to whenever I'm feeling stagnant or complacent in work or life.}

I knew that implementing this morning habit and prioritizing my writing would spur my creativity, reign in my focus, and create a domino effect for the next crucial steps in my career. And, amidst the unpredictability of an acting career and the lack of control an actor can have as they wait for the next audition, story, meeting to come their way, I also knew that what I could control was my own creative output.

Back to the feelers I put out on Instagram:

When a little over 30 people expressed initial interest in the group, I knew there was no going back, and one week later I was on Zoom at 7am with the first participants.

Three weeks later, I feel like an entire new person. (Or, I should say, creative – I'm still me, after all.) Here's what this new routine has created for me:

• I've come up with at least three different film project ideas to begin exploring and my mind is constantly focused on these personal projects. I feel like, outside of my auditions and training, I have a solid direction that I'm in control of career-wise.

• The writing group itself has become an entity I want to turn into a brand, and long-term, a company.

• Most importantly, because I had to re-structure my schedule around this new early morning routine – having previously been more of a night owl – for the first time in my adult career, my workdays are focused on my own creative output and not work for others or side hustles.

An interesting part of this experience has also been observing other people. I'm fascinated by humans. Namely, the things we say we want and will do, versus what we actually end up doing. I'm fascinated by the forces that drive us to act and am always on the search ones who are as whatever-it-takes as I am.

This experiment offered a great lens.

Of the 34 people who initially reached out, 19 people took the next step of emailing me for more information.

Of those 19, 11 people showed up at least one morning.

Of those 11, 1 showed up every day.

Now, there was no requirement for this round, so there is no judgment here. But it's curious to observe what people will do precisely when there is no external pressure. For me, the external pressure was that I was the one in charge; people were relying on me, and I had to show up for them. That was the whole point in creating the group – I knew I needed to create an external structure in order to follow through with what I wanted. I had to be the one in charge in order not to risk succumbing to my own excuses for not taking action. Call it weakness, I call it knowing myself.

Interestingly, the more momentum I gain in my own routine and the more obsessed I become with my projects, the less I need that external structure. But to get going, it has been invaluable. And I love being a catalyst for others to do the same – show up for themselves and what they're committed to creating. That's one of the pillars of the group: Camaraderie in Creation.

Ultimately, I think the structure was too loose in this first cohort for what I'd like to create moving forward, which is a more focused group of people working alongside each other and motivating each other. Or an incubator with a set start and end date, specific project and showcase or tangible outcome for everyone involved. I'm still figuring this out. But it was a great start that served its purpose. I'm happy and proud of it.

I'll end this first newsletter here for now, but hope it offers some insight into the process of doubling down on what you're committed to and how quickly you can alter your reality by creating the structures you need to really follow through with your goals. Ultimately this requires a deep self-knowledge, tools and a lot of practice. My journey has been a long one.

I'd love to hear from you if you have any thoughts, questions, or ideas for this newsletter:

Are you interested in more lifestyle content? Mindset/productivity content? Social commentary and laughter?

I look forward to continuing exploring these and other topics in the next edition, which will feature:

• A more formal structure, hopefully. I'd like to include sections for what I'm reading and listening to, insights from the week and happenings in the entertainment/film world. (Think Tim Ferris or Ann Friedman or Dirt) Maybe songs I've come across that week? More focus on lifestyle/culture.

• Other newsletters I'm inspired by.

• My ideas for the ent3r brand, what it is, what you can expect.

I'm figuring this all out and enjoying sharing it with you as I do.

Until next time,

—B